


Dan and Phil 100 Word Challenge

by DeadMilitia



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, No Smut, Phan - Freeform, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-12 06:23:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadMilitia/pseuds/DeadMilitia
Summary: This is my attempt at the 100 Word prompt challenge. There will be lots of cute Phan moments, platonic love, and Dan and Phil as parents. I don't remember where I got the 100 words I'm using. Smut free!





	1. List

1: Pride

2: Unprofessional

3: Pizza

4: Morning

5: Ripples

6: Desk

7: Handprint

8: Devotion 

9: Unique

10: Burn 

11: Innocence

12: Ink

13: Escape

14: Pet 

15: Detention

16: Photograph

17: Water

18: Time

19: Limit

20: Secret

21: Yesterday

22: Home

23: Help

24: Shadow

25: Label

26: Distance

27: Old

28: Movie

29: Celebrate

30: Breathe

31: Fruit

32: Loser

33: Promise

34: Teacher

35: Determination

36: Adventure

37: Wild

38: Surprise

39: News

40: Start

41: Dance

42: Defense

43: Special

44: Building

45: Clumsy

46: Sanctuary

47: Father

48: Hope

49: Stop

50: Tradition

51: Storm

52: Test

53: Lock

54: Closet

55: Smile

56: Quiet

57: Confrontation

58: Question

59: Angel

60: Progress

61: Cabin

62: Toys

63: Last

64: Creature

65: Forgiveness

66: Rules

67: Hurt

68: Cat

69: Glass

70: Miscommunication

71: Observant

72: Accident

73: Safe

74: Ready

75: Love

76: Beauty

77: Clock

78: Wish

79: Parent

80: Unexpected

81: Dark

82: Candy

83: Journal

84: Rain

85: Fall

86: Ghost

87: Key

88: Two

89: Memory

90: Childhood

91: Dirt

92: Wrinkle

93: Pink

94: Hiding

95: Present

96: Odd

97: Strawberry

98: Music

99: Couch

100: Light

The oneshots won't be in order of these words. I will put what number the word is at the beginning.


	2. Caught With A Hand in the Candy Bowl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word #82: Candy   
> Dan has no self control and eats most of the candy Phil bought for the trick-or-treaters. Phil finds the perfect way to "punish" Dan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote this a while back and it was posted so if you remember it that's why. I tried to do this challenge back then but I didn't follow through with it.

Phil grabbed the second giant bag of candy and poured it into the black candy bowl that was decorated with skeletons on the sides. He didn't feel like they had had that many trick-or-treaters, but the bare candy bowl told him otherwise. He went to throw away the plastic bag, passing Dan who was slouched down on the couch. Dan was wearing his Winnie-The-Pooh onesie, claiming it was his costume. Phil didn't feel that it was acceptable to call something you wore all the time a costume, but chose not to argue with Dan on it. He himself was dressed as a vampire in a suit with a black cape and fake fangs with blood dripping down his chin. It wasn't the most comfortable costume.

"The candy bowl is already empty. I may have to send you down to the shop to get another bag of candy. The night has just started and I only bought three bags. I wasn't expecting there to be that many kids." Phil explained, his words slightly slurred from the plastic fangs in his mouth.

"How much candy have you been handing out?" Dan asked, not looking up from his laptop.

"I'm not going to be that house that gives each kid one candy." Phil argued, remembering how much he hated that as a kid.

"Maybe there's just more kids out tonight." Dan said as the doorbell rang again. Phil got up and went to open the door. He was greeted by a cowboy, a mermaid, and a ninja turtle.

"Trick-or-Treat!" The kids said at the same time.

"Whoa, look at you guys. Some of the best costumes I've seen tonight." Phil commented, getting giggles out of the two girls and a smile from the cowboy. After he dropped a few pieces of candy into each bag held out to him, they all thanked him. He smiled as they walked away with the woman standing behind them. He set the bowl back down and went to the kitchen to get a drink and a cookie. He loved Halloween because of all of the horror movies and the cute trick-or-treaters. In his opinion, those were the two best things about the night. After getting his stuff, he went back to the lounge where Dan was still sitting. He grabbed the TV remote and went to Netflix to see what horror movie he could put on.

"Why are you putting on a movie? You know you'll end up pausing it every few minutes to answer the door." Dan pointed out and Phil knew he was right.

"I'll pick one we've seen a lot, that way I won't have to." Phil said, picking a favorite of theirs. After he got the movie playing, he got up to go to the bathroom just as the doorbel rang. "Will you get that?" Dan put his laptop aside and stood up, going to greet the kids. When he opened the door, two girls dressed as a star and a bag of jelly beans giggled at his "costume." Dan smiled at them and gave each a few pieces of candy.

"Thank you," they both said.

"No problem, have fun," he said, smiling up at the parents before shutting the door. He grabbed a few pieces of candy for himself and went to the kitchen. He had finished off the handful of candy before Phil came back so he grabbed a few more. He unwrapped them and threw the wrappers away. Phil had told him to stay out of the candy, that it was just for the kids, but Dan didn't care. He had zero self control around chocolate. He was just about to sit down when the doorbell rang again. He went to the door and handed out candy to a robot, a dragon, a skeleton, and a swamp creature. He grabbed a few more pieces before going back to the lounge. He was chewing up the last bite of his candy when he walked into Phil's view.

"You aren't getting into the candy, are you?" Phil asked, a smirk on his lips. Dan finished chewing and swallowed.

"No," he replied, getting comfortable again and grabbing his laptop. Phil didn't seem convinced but nodded his head anyway before turning his attention back to the TV.

"Hey, go get the plate of cookies from the kitchen." Phil told him, Dan scoffed.

"You go get them, you're the one who wants them." Dan replied, making Phil chuckle as the doorbell sounded again.

"Fine, I'll get the cookies, you get the kids." Phil told him, making Dan laugh.

"That sounds like you're planning something I don't want to be a part of." Dan joked, getting a laugh from Phil as they went opposite ways. After Dan finished handing out candy to two shy kids, he stuffed a few more pieces of candy into his mouth before heading back to the lounge. This time he made sure he was done eating the candy before Phil saw him.

They both got sucked into the film, watching intensely. Dan was known to get emersed into the fictional universe of every movie, game, and book. The doorbell ringing made Dan jump since it was timed perfectly with a scary part of the movie. Dan jumping made Phil jump before they both broke into laughter.

"I got it," Dan said, getting up.

"I'll come, too," Phil said, following behind Dan. When they opened the door, they were greeted with two kids they couldn't figure out the costumes of.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Dan asked, using the same gentle tone he always used with kids.

"I'm a meteor," one boy wrapped in what looked like layers of tin foil said enthusiatically, making both men chuckle.

"I'm a Charlie Brown ghost," said a girl's voice from under a white sheet with multiple holes cut all over it.

"Alright, I think you guys deserve some extra candy for creativity." Phil said, dropping extra candy into each plastic pumkin the kids were holding. The kids thanked them before leaving with a woman who also thanked Dan and Phil before walking away. Both men smiled as they watched the kids leave before shutting the door.

"A meteor? That's awesome," Phil said, a smile still on his face as he walked back to the lounge. Dan agreed, shoving another piece of candy into his mouth and dropping the wrapper in the bin. "You are eating the candy! I knew you were." Phil said, still smiling. Dan could tell his eyes probably resembled a deer in headlights.

"It's just one piece," Dan defended, hoping Phil would believe him. Phil crossed his arms and gave Dan a knowing smile.

"I know you've been snatching them all night. I knew we hadn't gotten that many kids. Plus, the bowl is running low again already." Phil pointed out, making Dan blush a little.

"You seriously expected to bring a bowl of chocolates into this house and have me stay out of them?" Dan argued, crossing his own arms. Phil couldn't help but laugh.

"I guess we're both horrible. I've taken a few as well." Phil admitted, making them both laugh.

"I think next year we should buy four or five bags of candy.... and then some for the kids." Dan joked, giving Phil a wink.

"Well, considering we only have one bag left, I think one of us needs to go buy some more. Especially if we're both going to be eating it as well." Phil said, still chuckling a little.

"You'll have to go, otherwise I have to get changed." Dan pointed out, motioning down to his onesie.

"I think you should go since you were the first caught with their hand in the candy bowl." Phil argued, getting a shocked look from Dan.

"Oh no, I think you should be the one going." Dan argued.

"Only one way to settle this," Phil said, holding up his fist. Dan smirked before copying Phil's action. "Whoever looses has to go to the store in their costume." Phil added.

"That is so not fair. You're in an actual costume and I'm in a bloody Winnie-The-Pooh onesie." Dan said, not liking the stakes. Phil only laughed.

"You should have chosen an actual costume like I told you to then." Phil said, making Dan smile.

"Alright, fine," Dan said, holding his fist back up by Phil's. They chanted, "rock, paper, scissors, draw," before throwing what they chose. Phil went with scissors and Dan chose paper.

"One more time," Dan shouted, holding up his hand again. Phil laughed before agreeing. After they showed what they chose, Dan went into his usual over-reaction from losing.

"Alright, Danny, time to go to the shop." Phil teased, still laughing. He was honestly proud of himself for winning. Not just because it meant he won but because it meant Dan had to go out in a Winnie-The-Pooh onesie on one of the busiest nights of the year.

"I fucking hate you," Dan laughed, getting up to grab his wallet. "What if our neighbors see me? I have to face them every day after this. You realize that, right?" Dan asked from his bedroom.

"I'm sure they expect nothing less from us." Phil pointed out, still laughing. He got up as the doorbell rang again. He handed out candy to the princess at the door before realizing Dan still hadn't left. "Come on, Dan, you wore that thing live on the internet in front of thousands of people. What's the difference?"

"The fucking difference is that I could pretend those people weren't really there. Besides, the internet is much more accepting than the people of London." Dan argued.

"It's Halloween, nobody is going to care. Besides, you lost, you have to do it." Phil told him, making Dan groan.

"Fine," Dan whined, going to the door. When he opened it, two boys dressed as ninjas were there getting ready to knock. They jumped slightly when he flung the door opened. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Here you go," Dan said, grabbing the bowl of candy and handing it out. He placed it back and waited a moment for the kids to get a little ways from the apartment. He wasn't sure what was more awkward, standing in his doorway watching them leave or walking in the same direction and having them think he's following them. He figured standing here was less creepy.

He really didn't want to do this but he did loose, as much as he hates to admit it. He could tell people were looking at him, some chuckling, others not caring. He finally made it to the closest store he could find and went in and straight to the candy aisle. He grabbed four bags of mixed candy before heading to check out. The guy behind the counter looked him up and down and seemed completely done with people in costumes. The transaction was quick, with a less-than-enthusiastic "have a good night" from the cashier. Dan grabbed the bags and left, glad he was almost done. He tried to ignore the looks as people examined his "costume." The looks weren't as judgemental as he thought they would be and he was relieved by that.

Some more kids were leaving as he got back, catching Phil's eye. The blue-eyed man chuckled as he saw Dan coming. He stood with the door open so he could let his flatmate in.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Phil inquired with a small laugh. Dan just flipped him off with a smile as he went to set the two bags on the table. Phil was still laughing as he took out the candy. "Maybe next year you'll put a little more effort into your costume."

"Shut up," Dan laughed, grabbing another piece of candy.

"Seriously, Dan?" Phil asked with a smile.

"I fucking earned some chocolate after that." Dan said, shoving the whole bite-sized candy bar into his mouth. Phil laughed before taking a piece of candy for himself. He really couldn't argue with Dan on that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word #1: Pride  
> Dan's first Pride after coming out as queer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I could have sworn there was a livestream where Dan came out as queer. Me and the girl I'm dating have both tried to find anything about it but can't. Even if he didn't come out as queer, I could have sworn there was at least a livestream where he said that it's possible to just not be straight. Maybe I dreamed it? I don't know, lol.

Dan fixed his hair in the mirror one last time. He stepped back to check his outfit. It was his normal black, skinny jeans and a black and white striped shirt. He had a rainbow flag pin on his shirt and the rainbow bracelet Phil gave him. It was his first time going to Pride and he was beyond nervous. He had come out as queer since he didn't like putting a label on who he was. Coming out to his fanbase was the scariest thing he ever did. While he loves his fans, he knew they could overreact and there were the ones who would be mean to him. He just wanted to be himself and have everyone accept him as he is. He didn't want it to turn into a big deal. But unfortunately, being in the public eye made it nearly impossible to just come out quietly. 

He wanted to go to Pride because it felt like an important step in accepting himself. He had been too scared to go when he first came out. Somehow, coming out seemed to push him further into the closet. It was like he opened the door, told the whole world, and then hid in the back of the closet even though the door was wide open. He was slowly working his way out of the closet. Sometimes it felt like he was one step away from crossing the threshold, but then something would happen and he'd hide again. 

He saw people being out and proud and he was jealous. He wanted to be out and proud of it. He didn't want his sexuality to be a big deal. He spent so long denying that he was anything but straight. Him coming out was met with comments about how he was never good at hiding it. Even though he was comfortable with himself now, it still bothered him. 

And the worst was how everyone assumed him coming out was confirmation of Phan. He had apologized to Phil multiple times over the messages Phil received. People wanting to know when he'd come out, wanting him to confirm Phan, and assuming his sexuality. Dan knew that Phil didn't want his sexuality labeled either. Dan felt bad for giving people a new reason to harass Phil over Phan but Phil assured him it was fine. Phil had been supportive of Dan every step of the way. He was there when Dan uploaded his coming out video and felt like puking. Phil was there to listen when all of the comments, posts, and messages about Dan's sexuality gave him anxiety, and he was the one who encouraged Dan to attend Pride. Phil was even going with him for support.

Dan worried that Phil attending Pride would just make the harassment worst, but Phil assured him that he could handle it. He wanted to support Dan and help him take the important steps to accepting himself. Dan appreciated everything that Phil did for him and the support he gave. 

"Are you ready to go?" Phil asked from the doorway. Phil was dressed in black, skinny jeans and a red plaid button-up t-shirt. He was wearing a rainbow bracelet that matched Dan's. 

"Is the rainbow pin too much? Should I not wear it since I have the bracelet?" Dan asked, checking himself in the mirror again. 

"There's going to be people dressed in rainbow stuff from head to toe, I think the pin is fine." Phil assured him. Dan looked himself up and down again before sighing. 

"I'm not even sure if I want to do this. I mean, I just came out two months ago. Is it too soon to do something like this?" 

"If you aren't ready than don't go. It's up to you," Phil told him. Dan walked over to sit on his bed. 

"I want to go but it's going to be a huge crowd. There's bound to be fans there who are going to see us together. Them seeing us there together is just going to give them more fuel for the whole 'Phan is real' thing." Phil sat next to Dan and could tell how nervous he was. 

"I already told you that I don't mind them doing it, so it's really about how you feel now. I mean, we've gotten those messages for years. Why is this different?" 

"Because I actually told them that I'm queer. They seem to think my coming out is leading up to announcing our relationship. It's not fair for you to be dragged into all of this when my video had nothing to do with you." Dan explained, messing with his bracelet. 

"They're going to eventually leave it alone. There will still be those few who won't drop it but it'll be okay." Dan sighed as he stared at the rainbow bracelet. He thought about all of the people who would be there, how many pictures would be taken, the questions he'd be asked. He knew it would just complicate things more. 

"Would you be mad at me if I didn't go?" Dan asked nervously. 

"Of course not. If you aren't ready for this than we won't go. We can stay here, order pizza and other food, and have a gay movie marathon." Phil suggested, making Dan chuckle. 

"A gay movie marathon?" 

"There's no rules on how to celebrate Pride. If you aren't ready to celebrate in public, than we'll celebrate here." 

"That actually sounds way better than dealing with the shit storm of comments that will come after we're seen at Pride." Dan said with a grin. 

"Get your PJs on and I'll order the food." Phil told him before leaving the room. Dan smiled as he changed into his PJs. When he went to the lounge, he found Phil ordering their usual from the closest pizza place. 

"Alright, we'll start with pizza and everything else, and then we can order more stuff later if we want it." Phil told him after hanging up with the pizza place. 

"What movies are we watching?" Dan asked, making himself comfortable on the couch. 

"Let's Google gay movies on Netflix." Phil said as he typed it out. He told Dan some of the options before letting him decide what to watch first. They started "Love, Simon" while waiting for their food. Once it was there, Phil went to get it. He set everything out on the coffee table. 

Dan slowly felt better about not going to Pride. He knew there was no shame in needing more time. Everyone becomes comfortable with their sexuality at different paces. And sometimes the situation you're in doesn't allow you to be loud and proud. Dan knew that he wouldn't have to navigate life on the other side of the closet door alone. Phil was his best friend and would be there through it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be about them going to a Pride Parade but I have no clue what goes on at one since I've never been. And then I decided to do it this way because I relate more. I'm not out to many people. When I do come out, I feel like I'll still be too afraid to be "loud and proud" because there will be a lot of hate from others around me for it. Also, this was pretty short but I didn't want to drag it out for the sake of making it longer.


	4. Summer Camp Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word #96: Odd  
> Phil is the odd kid at summer camp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a horrible camp experience. I had my hair pulled, the cabin door deliberately shut in my face and then laughed at me, people wouldn't let me sit with them at meal times and I usually sat with the counselors, and a guy got mad that I was on their color team because I wasn't great at games. Luckily, my mom let me come home early.

"What group are you in today?" PJ asked, taking another bite of his breakfast burrito. 

"Uh, Red, I think. You?" Dan replied as he fought with his milk carton that refused to open. 

"Green," PJ told him, disappointedly. Dan preferred to be in the same group as PJ but it rarely happened. They were friends from their home town so it wasn't like summer camp was the only place they saw each other. They went to this camp together every year. 

"What group are you?" PJ asked Louise who was sitting across from them. 

"Blue," she answered, holding up her wrist to show her blue bandana. Dan and PJ hadn't picked up their bandanas yet. Louise was a friend they only saw at camp. They kept in touch the rest of the year but the distance made it hard to see each other after camp. 

"I wonder if we could bribe Wallace into putting us three in the same group every day." Dan suggested, looking over at the overly-hyper game director. 

"He probably won't. He's all about how the other campers are your family for the eight weeks we're here. So he thinks we should all be friends." Louise pointed out. Dan listened as PJ and Louise got caught up on the latest camp gossip. He glanced around the room and saw that Phil Lester was sitting with some of the camp counselors again. He was just silently eating, staring down at his tray. The counselors were talking amongst themselves. Dan felt bad for Phil. He was a new camper and hadn't had much luck fitting in. 

"As soon as you are done eating, please come pick up your team bandana. And if you are participating in the end of camp talent show and need space to practice or help with your act, then please speak with Beth." Wallace announced loudly from where he was standing on his chair. Wallace was a large man and looked like he belonged in a metal band. 

"Are you doing anything for the talent show this year?" Louise asked, looking at PJ. 

"Eh, probably not." PJ answered. 

"What about you, Dan?" She asked, turning her attention to him. 

"Definitely not," he answered. "I embarrass myself enough already. I don't need to be put on a stage to embarrass myself in front of the entire camp at once." 

"You could play the piano. They have one in the performance hall, you know." Louise suggested. 

"I'm not good enough," Dan argued. 

"Please, you're amazing." PJ told him, making Dan roll his eyes with a grin. After they had finished eating, they cleared their trays. Dan and PJ got in line to get their bandanas. Dan looked over at Phil to see him alone at the table now. A guy who had been at the camp every year for as load Dan could remember walked towards Phil with a grin. He was carrying a cup and when he got close enough he pretended to trip. He poured his red drink on Phil's white shirt. Phil jumped in shock and looked mortified as people started laughing. Dan knew Matt was a jerk but he didn't think he was that mean. 

"Matthew Ford," Wallace shouted. "Head counselor's, now." Wallace pointed towards the door and waited for Matt to walk past him before following him. Phil refused any help from other counselors and sped out of the dining hall. Dan felt bad for Phil and part of him wanted to go make sure he was okay, but he knew he was probably going to get changed. After he got his red bandana he tied it around his leg before heading out of the dining hall with PJ and Louise. Dan wasn't a fan of the games and tended to give as little effort as he could to them. There was only a few that he actually enjoyed and would put the effort into them. 

"I can't believe Matt would be such a jerk." Louise said as they sat down at one of the picnic tables. They had fifteen minutes of free time after breakfast before their first activity of the day. 

"He is the same person who stole Carrie's thong to use as a flag on their cabin." PJ pointed out. 

"That was him? Louise exclaimed, looking disgusted. "How did he even get ahold of it?" 

"I don't know how he got it but he had no problem telling all of the guys who they belonged to." PJ replied, making a disgusted face. 

"You should have told your cabin parent. He probably would have been sent home. I wonder if this will get him sent home? It's the third time he's done something mean to Phil." Louise explained. 

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom before the activity starts." Dan said as he stood up. He made his way back to the boy's side of the camp to their shower room. The front half of the building had toilet stalls and and sinks and the back half had showers. When Dan walked in, he heard someone sniffling. He could tell they were crying. Since there was no door on the building, he knew the person didn't know he had entered. He wasn't sure if he should leave or just ignore it. The stall door opened and Phil stepped out. He jumped when he saw Dan in the doorway. 

"I didn't mean to startle you." Dan told him. 

"It's fine," Phil replied quietly. 

"Are you okay?" It was obvious that Phil had been crying. 

"I'm fine," Phil told him. "Matt is a jerk, just ignore him. He'll probably be sent home anyway. They have a so-called "no tolerance" policy that doesn't get enforced until someone crosses the line." Dan told him. "This is your first year here, right?" 

"Um, yeah, I used to go somewhere else but this camp was closer to home and my parents preferred that." Phil explained, seeming to be uncomfortable. "But I'm gonna talk to the head counselor and see if I can contact my parents to come get me." 

"You're leaving?" Dan questioned. He hated that people made Phil feel so bad that he wanted to leave. They were only three weeks into camp. 

"Well, I'm not really welcomed here, so I figured it was better to just go home." Phil told him quietly. 

"Come on, don't let those people get to you. How about you hang out with me and my two friends?" Dan offered.

"You don't have to pity me. I knew coming to a new camp would be hard. I'm not exactly someone that people tend to like." 

"Why not?" Dan questioned. He felt bad that he hadn't tried to make friends with Phil as soon as he realized people were making Phil into an outcast. 

"I guess I'm too positive? I don't really know," Phil answered. Dan had noticed the first week of camp that Phil was very cheery. 

"Will you hang out with us for a while before deciding to leave?" Dan asked, hoping Phil would give the camp another chance. 

"If you're sure your friends won't mind." Phil shuffled in place nervously. 

"Of course they won't mind. Let me pee and then I'll introduce you to them." 

\---------------

PJ and Louise had welcomed Phil into their tiny group pretty quickly. Dan was happy to see Phil being the giggly person he was the first week of camp. Other people still gave Phil a hard time which Dan hated. He wasn't sure why people were targeting Phil. The only reason he could come up with was that they are jealous of how happy Phil is. He wished that Phil was allowed to switch to the same cabin as him and PJ, but they didn't allow room swapping unless it's necessary. 

Phil was a bit odd compared to most other people. He was way too happy and giggly and he tended to say some pretty odd things. Dan found himself oddly attracted to Phil's personality and weirdness. He found the weird things Phil said and the odd way he viewed the world to be funny and endearing. Dan had made it a point to tell the counselors what people did to Phil. The other boy wouldn't stand up for himself but Dan had the urge to protect Phil so he did just that. Phil appreciated it and always thanked Dan whenever he would tell someone off or alert the counselors to the things being done to Phil. 

Dan was sad when he found out how far apart him and Phil lived but he knew they could easily stay in touch after camp ended. He had managed to keep a friendship with Louis all these years. It was easier than one might think to have a long distance friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's any typos, please point them out. I don't have internet so I write these on my phone. I've been trying to proofread as much as I can but I've been busy


	5. Highs and Lows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word #46: Sanctuary.   
> Phil is Dan's sanctuary.

Dan knew he was getting bad again. He could feel himself shutting down and the voices in his head telling him all of the horrible lies he wished he could ignore. Phil could tell Dan was starting to get down and he tried to help the best he could but he also knew that sometimes Dan just had to go through it. Whenever he could tell Dan's depression was hitting him hard, he tried to keep a close eye on him. He worried about Dan. 

Phil was making dinner as he listened to a podcast. He knew Dan was locked in his bedroom. He wanted to go comfort Dan but he knew the other man needed alone time every once in a while. Phil had a hard time finding the balance that Dan needed but he was slowly learning. When he went through a depressed episode, he sometimes couldn't handle other people, not even Phil. But other times he didn't want to be alone but also wouldn't let Phil know that. Dan believed he was annoying and Phil hated when people online would tell him he was annoying. He knew those people probably didn't understand how much that actually effected Dan but it still didn't justify them commenting it. 

After Phil got the food done he went to Dan's room and knocked on the door gently before opening it. He found the room empty and had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Dan would sometimes just leave and not say anything. Phil knew that Dan was a grown man and had the right to leave without telling him, but it didn't make him worry any less. Usually when Dan would go for these walks he would leave his phone behind, turn it off, or just ignore any calls or texts. Phil understood Dan's need to get out of the house and out of bed but he wished Dan would tell him when he was leaving. He saw Dan's phone laying on his bedside table. 

Phil knew he shouldn't be this worried about Dan since the other man always came back, but he found himself not wanting to even eat. He wanted to believe that Dan would never do something to hurt himself, but there were times when Dan got so bad that it scared Phil. There hadn't been one of those times in a while but every time Dan started to get down, Phil worried it would get that bad. There was never any warning that it was getting that bad until Dan was already there. 

\-------------

Dan sat on a bench in the nearby park and watched people pass by. Some were playing with their dogs, some were with their kids, and some were jogging past. Sometimes watching other people helped clear his mind but other times it made things worse. He would feel like he wasn't doing enough in his life. He spent so much time at home and usually wasn't doing anything productive. He felt like he was a bit behind in his life. When he was doing well, those things didn't bother him. 

He had what a lot of other people wanted. He had plenty of fans, he had been on two world tours with his best friend, and they had put out two books. He had accomplished much more, too, but it didn't feel like enough in these times. People seemed to think that he should be living on cloud 9 but he wasn't. The excitement he got from those accomplishments wore off eventually and he would fall back into feeling like he wasn't doing enough with his life. 

He wanted to do more with his YouTube channel but didn't have the motivation to do what he's always done. He wanted something different. After the tours, going back to YouTube the way he had been doing it before felt wrong. It wasn't as exciting or fulfilling as the live shows were. He had taken a hiatus from his channel because he was trying to find something for his channel that would make him feel as accomplished as the live shows had. He wasn't sure what that was though. And his fans were starting to get upset that it was taking him so long to return to his channel or even videos with Phil. The feelings those comments gave him only made him feel worse. He was letting his fans down but he didn't feel he could do YouTube the way he always had and be happy with it. 

Dan wasn't sure how long he had been out of the apartment but he felt it was probably time to go home. He knew Phil worried about him when he did this and it would be easy to just tell Phil where he was going. But sometimes he just needed to go somewhere and have solitude and telling Phil where he was didn't feel like he was getting away. He loved Phil and hated making him worry but sometimes this was the escape from his life that he needed. After a few more minutes of people-watching, he got up and slowly made his way back home. 

He took a few minutes to stand out front of their apartment to collect himself. Sometimes returning to the same place made him feel sad and he wasn't sure why. He loved where he lived and he loved living with Phil. He wasn't sure why the same old thing made him feel so horrible. Once he collected himself enough, he went inside. He went to the lounge to find Phil on the couch on his laptop. 

"You're back," Phil pointed out, sounding relieved. 

"Yeah, I just went to the park." Dan informed him. 

"I made dinner if you're hungry." Phil told him. Dan hated how Phil looked at him when he'd come home after his walks. It was almost like Phil was shocked and relieved to see that Dan came back. Phil knew him better than almost anyone else. He was comfortable with Phil so he allowed him to see the darker side of his mind. Part of him was glad Phil knew him so well because he tried hard to be there for Dan during these times. But the other part of him wished Phil didn't know. He hated how worried Phil was over him. He felt guilty for making Phil feel the way that he was right now. 

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Phil asked, looking hopeful. 

"Let me grab some food and we'll watch something." Dan said before heading to the kitchen. He really just wanted to hide in his bedroom but he felt that he owed this to Phil. The other man was trying so hard to help and he knew that closing Phil out would make him feel worse and he would feel guilty. After he got himself a plate of food, he went back into the lounge where Phil had Netflix pulled up. 

"Let's watch a happy movie." Phil suggested, handing the remote to Dan. "You pick a movie and I'll make some coffee." Dan smiled a little and started going through the movies. There wasn't anything he really wanted to watch right now. He ended up picking an animated movie. When Phil came back he also had two blankets. He handed one to Dan which made him smile. He loved how Phil took care of him. Phil did whatever he could to make Dan feel loved. Even a simple gesture like getting him a comfy blanket made Dan feel loved. Most people didn't understand how small gestures like that can mean so much. The fact that someone cared enough to take care of you was nice. 

They both knew that this wasn't going to magically cure Dan's mood, but it made Dan feel better in the moment. Phil didn't try to make Dan be happy. He let Dan be sad and comforted him through it. Dan sometimes felt like Phil was his sanctuary. The other man made him feel better even though he wasn't doing anything huge. He wasn't trying to cure Dan. He let Dan be himself and he was there to help him through the lows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk, has anyone listened to H3 with Jacksepticeye? If not, they talk about how Jack did his tour and then there's sort of a sadness going back home and going back to YouTube because the audience wasn't actually there. Part of me wonders if maybe Dan is feeling that way right now. And Jack made changes to his channel and life to help himself and maybe Dan is doing the same. Also, I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, an unspecified paranoid disorder, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder. So I understand how far down depression and everything else can knock you down. In those times, you don't want to do anything. I'm honestly happy that Dan is taking this break and hopefully he's getting better. When asked if he was living his truth yet, he said he was almost there. That makes it seem like maybe he's working on himself and working through everything. A break seems to be necessary and I wish everyone would just support him through this break.


	6. We Lose Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word #67: Hurt  
> It hurts like hell to love this well but no one falls the way we fell.

Phil stared up at the ceiling of the guest bedroom. It had been the room he used for his YouTube set but after changing his background, they turned it into the guest bedroom. It was the fourth night in a row that he hadn't slept in the same bed as Dan. They still loved each other but there was an unknown strain on their relationship. Neither one knew what was happening to them. Sure they had their arguments over the years but never anything like this. It was always over dumb things that were resolved quickly. Now the fights were longer and things were said that were only intended to hurt the other. 

Phil had thought about going back to his parents house for a while. He didn't want their relationship to end but he did feel that they needed a break from each other. His biggest fear was that this would be the end. They spent so many years together. There were so many memories between them. They knew each other better than anyone else. Phil felt that him and Dan were soulmates destined to spend the rest of their lives together. They had hardly been apart since meeting. The idea of continuing life without Dan made Phil's chest hurt. He felt that losing Dan would actually break his heart. 

A tear rolled down the side of his face as he thought about it. They had been getting mad at each other over the dumbest things. Today's fight had been his own fault and he knew it. He got mad at Dan over him spending too much money on clothes. They had a joint bank account since they started dating and they considered both of their incomes to be their money. Phil had gotten mad since he made more videos than Dan and generated more Ad revenue. He had never cared about Dan spending money because the majority of their income was from their online store. That was their joint income. It wasn't like Phil was the only person being paid. So he wasn't sure why Dan spending money upset him. 

Phil tried to reason that it was because he wanted more out of their lives and saving money was important for that. He had always thought they would get married and he wanted the funds for a nice wedding and honeymoon. He also wanted them to get their own house and a dog and eventually start a family. So he felt that being more careful with their finances was important. But even that didn't justify the fight. 

Marriage and starting a family was something both of them knew would come eventually. There hadn't been any doubt that they would get there. They wanted to wait until they felt comfortable with their relationship being known by their fans so they could openly celebrate their marriage. But neither felt that the time was right. He thought about all of the conversations they had about a wedding. The conversations about kids and their own house. He didn't want to see those dreams go up in smoke. He wanted that to be his reality. But he couldn't force their relationship to heal. That would require both of them being on the same page with healing it. 

Phil decided to make some tea since he couldn't sleep. He went to the kitchen and put the kettle on before sitting at the table. He tried to think of some way to save their relationship as he stared at the table. He looked up when he heard someone enter the room. 

"Hey," Dan said, standing in the doorway awkwardly. 

"Hey," Phil replied. They both hated how awkward it felt to be near each other. Both of them felt tense, afraid of another fight breaking out. The few times they tried to work things out had resulted in another fight. But even then it wasn't this bad. They hadn't slept in separate rooms back then. "Dan, I'm really sorry about earlier. I don't know why I got so upset." Dan walked over and sat down next to Phil. 

"I don't want to do this anymore." Dan told him quietly. "I don't want to throw away everything we have together, but I can't take it anymore. The last few nights have hurt so much. I don't like being alone in bed and knowing that you're in the next room. I don't like spending all night feeling like you hate me. I know I'm just as guilty in our problems. I can't do this anymore." Phil had a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

"What are you suggesting then?" Phil felt that he already knew the answer. 

"Either we have to figure out how to work this out." Dan hesitated before finishing. "Or we need to just end it and try to heal on our own." Both of them were quiet for a moment. 

"I always felt that we were soulmates. I never have and I don't think I ever will feel as strongly in love with someone like I love you. It hurts so much to look into my future and not see us together raising a family. I love you, Dan. I want to do whatever we have to in order to save this relationship. We've come too far and experienced too much together to just end it here. I feel like we should exhaust every other option first." 

"So where do we start then?" Dan questioned, relieved that Phil wanted to work it out as badly as he did. 

"Couple's counseling?" Phil suggested. " Do you want some tea?" He went to make himself a cup, taking out another when Dan nodded. 

"Okay, we can look at our options in the morning and decide on one from there." Dan agreed, taking his cup from Phil. "I love you, Phil. I really want to do whatever it takes to save us." Phil gave him a small smile while laying his hand on top of Dan's on the table, causing Dan to smile back. For the first time in a while, Phil felt like there was hope for their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The summary for this chapter and the title are from "Only The Lonely Survive" by Marianas Trench. It's my favorite off of Phantoms!


	7. Lock Pick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word #87: Key   
> Phil locks himself out of his apartment. Dan knows how to pick locks.

Phil was basically dragging his feet by the time he got to his apartment. Between work and the many college assignments he has due, he felt like a zombie. Half of the time he wasn't even sure how he managed to get things done. Even though he had two assignments due tomorrow, he had to make a quick trip to the grocery store. He had put it off so long that he had no food in his apartment. And of course, it had to start pouring rain while he was out. The paper bags he was carrying we're soaked and he prayed they would hold together just long enough to get home. 

He nearly ran back to the apartment and was relieved when he got through the front door. He made his way up the stairs to his apartment. He set the tearing bags down to unlock his door. After digging in all of pockets he realized that he had locked himself out. 

"No, no, no," Phil mumbled, checking his pockets again. He realized that his cell phone was also inside the apartment so he couldn't call for help. He rested his forehead against the door. After a few moments of hating his life, he lifted his head. He looked at the door across the hall from his own. He knew the guy who lived there was also a college student. They hadn't really talked other than occasional small talk in the hallway. He couldn't help but think that the baby-faced guy was cute. Phil debated bothering him. He knew how stressful college classes were and he hated to think he was interrupting an important assignment the other might be working on. But he had his own assignments on the other side of the door that needed to be finished. 

Phil turned and walked the few steps to the green door. He hesitated before knocking. He waited but didn't hear any movement on the other side. He tried again, a bit louder. He started to give up hope. The guy must have been out. He didn't want to go knock on someone else's door for help since he didn't really know his neighbors. He was startled when the door opened. 

"Oh, hi," the brown haired boy said. 

"Hey, sorry to bother you but I locked myself out of my apartment and I was wondering if I could use your phone to call the landlord?" Phil awkwardly explained. The guy looked over at Phil's door before meeting his eyes again. 

"You know it'll take forever for him to get here and let you in." He pointed out, making Phil sigh. 

"Yeah, but I need to get in because I have two assignments due tomorrow. Of course I had to pick tonight to lock myself out." Phil grumbled, knowing that him being so sleep deprived was the reason he forgot his key. 

"What if I could help you get in quicker?" The guy said, sounding hesitant. 

"How?" Phil asked, furrowing his brow. 

"Hang on a second," he said before walking back into his apartment. He left the door open and Phil took the chance to glance around his apartment. It was decorated with art and little geeky knick knacks. The guy came back with a few things in his hand. "I'm Dan, by the way." He walked over to Phil's door, leaving his own open. 

"Phil," he introduced himself. He watched as Dan got down on his knees in front of the door, pushing Phil's groceries to the side. Phil watched as Dan started picking the lock on his door. "You can pick locks?" Phil questioned. He wasn't sure if he should be impressed or concerned that his neighbor could pick his lock. 

"I promise I don't break into people's houses or anything. I learned how to pick locks when I was fourteen because I thought it was a cool skill." Dan explained, working at the lock until he heard the click. He turned the door knob and pushed the door open slightly. "And you're in." 

"I feel like this is something that should concern me. I mean, you could break into my apartment in the middle of the night and kill me if you wanted." Phil said with a small grin. Dan stood up and chuckled a little. 

"I promise I won't do that. But if you ever lock yourself out again, you now know I can help you." Dan pointed out with a smile. 

"I guess I do," Phil replied, picking up one of his bags only for the bottom to give out and his groceries to go everywhere. Phil groaned as he started picking up the groceries to carry them inside. Dan walked over and helped Phil. 

"Oh, thank you," Phil said. Once they both had what they could carry, Phil opened the door the rest of the way with his hip. Dan followed him inside and set the groceries he was holding down on the small counter. Phil went to grab the last few things in the hallway before throwing the bags away. "And thank you for unlocking my door. You really saved me some time on my assignments." 

"No problem," Dan replied, smiling at him. "Well, I should go get back to my own homework."

"Oh, right, um, would you like to hang out some time? I don't really know anyone in this apartment building so it would be nice to get to know a neighbor better." Phil told him, feeling awkward for asking. Dan's smile grew a little. 

"Sure, are you busy this Saturday?" 

"Uh, no, I'm free," Phil replied with a smile. 

"Alright, then I'll see you Saturday. Actually, we'll probably see each other before then but whatever." Dan said, his cheeks turning a light pink. Phil found the slight blush to be cute. 

"Yeah, probably," Phil said. 

"I'm gonna go now," Dan said awkwardly, pointing towards the open door. 

"Thank you again for your help." Phil told him. 

"You're welcome." Dan left and Phil shut the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an Instagram account for my writing if you want to follow me there. It's tru_oddball.


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